|Natasha Epperson and I at her studio|
So in other news, I am feeling better today! Yay!!!! I decided I needed to pull myself out of the funk that I had placed on myself. It's true, I had placed it on myself, there was no other reason for me to be feeling bad about what I've been doing. We all lose focus occasionally and slip, that's all I'd been doing was slipping. The difference was that for one of the first times I noticed it as it was happening and wanted to change it. So I am. (Look at me, I'm learning discipline!) I'm back on track, and as a way of cheering myself up last night I brought back Kitchen Karaoke. For those of you who don't know me personally Kitchen Karaoke is something I began doing about a year ago. I love to cook and as I cook dinner I turn the music up and sing and dance around my kitchen. Something you have to realize about me is that I can't dance, I try, but I am horrible! So it is a funny site for any special guests that have been around for it in person. I began doing it to relieve stress from my day. After spending the entire day in lectures, I just needed an outlet to go crazy, have fun, and be silly. It always makes me feel better, and as I thought about it last night, it burns calories too! Bonus, exercise and mood improver! I think it's time I bring this back, and do it more often.
I went for a two mile walk last night after viewing several inspirational blogs and thought about why I am doing this and what I want to get out of this. Now a lot of people began their weight loss journeys because they wanted to run a marathon, or play a sport. Others chose to give themselves an incentive to lose the weight and get healthy, such as a vacation, or new item such as TV or car. Now being a psychologist I know how powerful these ideas are, they are rewards. They are a reason to do get up in the morning a eat healthy, and work out. I have a hard time with this though since I know I won't deny something for myself to make an item a reward, and I want something like playing a sport or running a marathon to be part of the journey, not the end. So why am I doing this?
Like I said in the first post, I want to be healthy. I also keep talking about being happy. In case it hasn't come across, I'm depressed. I have been for some time. I feel that if I am able to change the physical, the mental will also begin to change. This is where the gaining more self-esteem and belief in myself fall into as well. So what is my motivation to do this? Well as I was walking I thought of something that must have crossed my mind a million times before, but only last night really pieced it together. I'm doing this because I can.
I know it sounds like a cop out but why does it have to be that way? I am blessed to be 28 years old and not have any major health issues. Many members of my family at my age were already on several medications for various health issues. Some family members will never be able to go and walk 2 miles one night before dinner because physically they cannot, and will not ever be able to go that far. So I can do this, why shouldn't I? Because I have chosen to be lazy a majority of my life? Because I am scared? Because I don't want to push myself? Ha! When I start to get down on myself again, and talk about how I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, just remind me of this realization from last night and tell me some music for Kitchen Karaoke.
More to come soon! =)