Friday, March 18, 2011

Home Again, Home Again...To Make a New Goal?!

First allow me to say that I am working with a headache today, so if this post doesn't make sense, or is random in nature that is why.  I've struggled with headaches since I was a child.  Of course they are not just simple nuisances with me, but knock me out for 24 hours, get sick to my stomach, want to crawl under a rock and die type things.  I get several headaches a month, sinus, stress, TMJ, and hormones being the main cause of these.  Every few months though I get a whopper of a headache, a migraine.  If you've never had a migraine I'm sorry but you cannot understand the pain a person has when they get one.  When I was a teen I got migraines a lot more frequently, once or twice a month.  When I began to get dizzy spells with them the hunt began for a solution because my life was being impacted even when I wasn't having a headache.  My migraines are apparently not typical, they present in an unusual way, and cause different pain for me than for most people.  For instance my head doesn't really throb like many people's does.  Instead I tend to have intense pain in one area of my head, ringing in my ears, and INTENSE sensitivity to light.  Due to this different doctors have debated whether or not I am actually having a migraine, or if it is another type of headache.  This is why I don't take prescription medication for the headaches and basically just allow them to run their course.  The doctors can debate all they want, I call them migraines and just want them to go away!  The discovery of TMJ, a misalignment of my jaw and teeth grinding, and it's subsequent treatment has greatly reduced the occurrence of my migraines though so I'll take one every few months rather than every few weeks.

Anyways, enough about my current mental status.  I am back from a crazy trip home!  (This trip could have affected my mental status as well!)  As previously stated going home is tough since eating healthy there can be a challenge.  Not to mention while I was there we sprang ahead an hour for daylight savings and that messed up my whole routine.  I did discover while eating out as much as I did that finding food at a restaurant that is low in calories and fat can be a challenge.  Not only do many places not list nutritional information on their website, but there are places that we looked at eating at that I would not have been able to eat a thing on the menu!  (Even kids menu had too much fat and calories!)  Another surprising fact is that just because something was on the "under so many calories" menu, didn't make it healthy.  I ate at one location I thought I was doing well at since it was on that menu, and later found out when looking at nutritional info that it had 32 grams of fat, over half of my daily allotment!  I now know that I need to be careful what I choose, and where I go out to eat.  Although I have always known this, making your food yourself really is an advantage because you know what you are eating before you eat it!

Back to a schedule!  So when I go home I take my cat with me rather than pay to have her at a kennel.  I think that it is easier for her to be around me, and I don't have to worry about the type of care she is receiving while I'm gone.  This may change one day if I end up further away from home and have to fly, but for now it works for us.  There is only one problem with taking her with me though, she sleeps with me, in the bed.  At home this isn't a problem since I have a full sized bed and it's just me, at my parents though I sleep on a twin...I have a bed hog for a cat!  My routine gets messed up every time I go home because I don't sleep well.  I love going home, but it is a bit of a pain when I get home and both my cat and I are out of our sleep schedule and our eating habits and daily routine are out of wack.  I'm still trying to get back to normal and I've been home for a few days now.  I feel like I'm back at square one again beginning this whole journey again.

Another issue right now is my apartment.  I have always said that you can gauge my mood based on the cleanliness of my space.  Right now if someone was to walk in I think that they might turn around and leave again!  My desk looks like a paperwork bomb went off on it!  Taxes, school work, papercrafting, coupons that need clipped, and bills are scattered everywhere in no order.  My living room hasn't been swept in months, and the cat has taken over!  I just want to take a week off and clean, but I never seem to have the motivation to do so.  It's a sick cycle I'm in, and this seems like a metaphor for my entire life.  I want to change things but I'm just not motivated enough to do it, or I begin them but never follow them through.  I'm getting close to that point with my eating habits now already.  (Yes I seems to have a short attention span!)  I begin to wonder what's the point.  Why clean up my apartment when it's just me and no one visits, why eat healthier if it's so much work to find food that are good for me and taste good, why exercise if it just makes me hurt and I don't get instant results?  I need to break this cycle!  That's why I'm setting another goal for myself...I'm going to stick to this and see it through!  This is kind of a longer term goal, and I think has been here since day one I'm just stating it now.  The point of this project was to change things in my life for the better and have a better outlook on things, not just to lose weight.  So it would seem the biggest way to change things for the better is to break a bad habit and the cycle I've been in for a while now.

I'm sticking to my healthy eating today, but as long as this headache is around I'll be taking the day off from exercise so that I feel better.  As always I'll keep you posted!  =)

1 comment:

  1. Cluster headaches? My sister, pat, had those miserable migraine-type headaches. Hang in there.....