Thursday, July 19, 2012

Moving On

There are beginnings and endings in life, and many say that to begin something you must end another first.  I don't know how true this is, but I do know that often the moving on from an ending can be incredibly difficult.  No I'm not ending the blog, or my journey, or giving up on Denver yet.  Although I know that at some point all of these things will end, and when their respective times come I hope that I am able to make a graceful transition into a new beginning from them.  There are other endings in life though, and often we have a hard time moving on from them to find the new beginning.

One of my favorite quotes was said by Helen Keller, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."  I am guilty of this in more than one aspect of my life.  Often I'm so angry, sad, frustrated, or upset over an ending, that I'm missing a new beginning.  It's only later when hindsight kicks in that I realize I've made the mistake of not seeing it.

As often as we would like to change the habits we have at staring at a closed door, and dwelling on an ending, often it's difficult to know that it was even an ending in the first place.  Several months ago a relationship of mine broke down, there was no clear cut "ending" but the door closed nonetheless.  Now I have many relationships in my life where I don't see or speak to the person for months at a time, but we still are part of each others lives, and would neither one consider the relationship over and the door closed.  So in my mind what made this relationship any different?  So I stared at the door, expecting the outcome I'd become conditioned too, things were not over and just on hold till they could be picked up again.  That wasn't the case, and when an attempt was made to pick up where things were left off, things fell apart quickly clearly marking a messy ending to that relationship.

Now I'm using this relationship as an example, but the fact is that in any area endings can be difficult to see sometimes.  It's clear when you are fired from a job that it is time to move on, but how do you know it's time if they don't fire you?  When you and your significant other begin to realize that you no longer have anything in common, when do you know it's time to separate?  Or if it's time to separate?  If someone you love is sick and knows it's their time, how do you let them go?  If you've worked toward a goal such as losing so much weight, and have lived that goal for so long, when you achieve it what do you do next?

We all go through millions of endings in our lives, some are more clear cut than others, and some come easier than others.  The fact is that in order to have a new beginning, we first have to accept the ending and move on.  The moving on is where I get stuck.  Even when I see an ending, and know that it has happened, I have trouble accepting it and moving on.  I still want to "fix" things.  The fact is that I don't like endings, I don't want things to be over, particularly when they end poorly.

Often I want to move on, I just don't know how to do that, and I know that I am only holding myself back from new beginnings.  So I'm asking for help.  How do you move on?  Whether it's moving past a broken relationship, a lost job, an unexpected death, or even reaching a goal you've finally accomplished, what do you do to get to your new beginning?

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