Monday, April 16, 2012

Map Not Provided

There will be bumps in every road that you travel, you choose how far those bumps throw you off course though.  I allowed a lot of things to throw me off course over the years.  Thoughts of who I "should" be, people who I allowed to influence me too much, and fear have all been reasons I veered off course. The fact is that life would be so much easier if a map was provided.  There's an investment company commercial on television that shows how they lay a path for their customers by showing a line on the road when they leave their offices that leads them in the right direction.  If only everything in life was that simple!  We don't have a map though, and there is no path laid for us to follow. We have to make our own path, and often that path isn't easy.

I recently had a friend call me upset over a choice she had to make.  She is having to move back home with her parents for various reasons, and she really doesn't want to.  I know all too well how she is feeling.  I thought that when I left Bloomington I would only be home for a short period of time before I would be off on a new adventure.  I was unfortunately home for a lot longer than anyone expected thanks to a broken hand, holidays, lack of job, and lack of money.  I'm now in Colorado though, where I thought my path was the whole time.  I know my friend will find her way, and eventually back on that path she wants to be on.  Sometime we hit a bump though.  For me breaking my hand was a big bump that knocked me off course for a good two months in more than just my living situation.

If anyone has ever been injured in a car accident before you know what I'm talking about.  Your full time job becomes middle man between doctors and insurance companies.  Just to remind everyone my accident happened in September of last year, yesterday I got the letter from my insurance company that the last bill had been settled!  Between dealing with that, not being able to physically type so emails to prospective employers were out, depression over the situation, and not being able to exercise I felt like I was hitting one bump after another.  There was about a two week period I couldn't see my way out.  I allowed depression to take over, and feel sorry for myself.  I resigned myself to life in a place that no longer felt like home, job prospects that I hated, an unhealthy lifestyle, and living with my parents for the rest of my life.  I allowed this bump to not only throw me off course, but I allowed it to take over my dreams and take control.  Looking back now I see that, but at the time I saw no other way.  It didn't seem like a bump, it seemed like a new path I had no choice but to take.

Bumps are often unavoidable, lets face it, as much as we try to miss them, sometimes we can't.  What I call bumps, others I've known have called curveballs, Gods way of throwing us off occasionally and reminding us whose in charge.  One of the best ways I've heard someone describe how to handle these situations though went like this, "When God throws a curveball, don't duck.  You just might miss something."  Although being home for so long was sometimes painful, I decided to not duck.  That meant that I got to spend extra time with my friends, reconnect with old friends I hadn't seen in a while, got to spend time in a job with kids I loved, and learned some new things about myself.  All rather cool things, that I know had a bigger purpose.

Although we may not always understand why we have to endure the bumps in the road, or the curveballs, they are there for a reason.  Maybe in the big picture I needed to work where I did in those few months with the kids I did, maybe they needed me.  Maybe I needed to slow down and think about how I was going to come to Colorado.  Or maybe I was just supposed to reconnect with one of those friends and reminisce about the "old days".  I may never know, but what I do know is although my path was altered, I never lost sight of coming here.  I never lost sight of my goal, my dream.  The road's still not easy, I'm still struggling, and most likely will for a while longer.  My mother asked me though the other day when I spoke to her and was frustrated, "are you happier?"  It's a simple question that in the past I tried to make so much more complicated than it really is.  There was no hesitation from me though in my answer, I'm absolutely happy being here.  "Then you're a step closer than you were a few months ago."  Like I've said for a while now, baby steps.

To be honest life would be easier if a map was provided.  You'd know where you were going, when you were going there, and what events would lead you to these big life changing choices.  If I had a choice though, I wouldn't take a map.  Some of the best memories I have, were because of decisions made on the spur of the moment.  Some of the best choices I made in my life, seemed ridiculous at the time.  Many of these choices that may not have been mapped out for me, have led to some of the best friendships I have, best life experiences anyone could ask for, and more self awareness than I ever could have gained any other way.  It's true some were not good choices, but somehow I always seem to end up being where I'm supposed to be eventually.  Sometimes I have to wonder if the bumps aren't really bumps, but challenges that were already planned for us to conquer.  Either way, although the path may not always be easy, it's always proven to me to be worth it.  =)

 ~ Finally have movers to bring my stuff from storage in Indiana to me in Colorado!!!  This has been a BIG hassle, and camping in the new apartment has been a bear!  Only two more weeks though!!!! YAY!!!!

~ Still don't have a job yet.  I'm applying for professional jobs, part-time jobs, seasonal jobs, ANYTHING!  I think not having a job right now though may be good and give me a bit to unpack when my stuff arrives, but I'll need the income soon as my savings is beginning to deplete.

~ I've connected with some sorority sisters in the area through Facebook!  This makes my mother ecstatic since I'm fairly sure she thinks I sit alone talking to the walls all day, lol.  Hopefully I'll be able to meet up with some of them in person soon and begin making friends here!

~ Now that I've become acclimated to the altitude a bit I've begun running again...slowly.  Thought I'd go to the gym at my apartment complex but their equipment is less than adequate (read old) so eventually I'm going to get a gym membership somewhere since my knees can't handle pavement all the time (again read old, lol).  Right now though it's running every couple of days, I might include swimming here soon, and yoga occasionally.

~ Healthy eating has slowly begun again, and it tastes great! This will of course get even easier when I get my pots and pans, dinnerware, and other kitchen items. =)

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