Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Things are Changing

Happy New Year!!!!  All right I know, it's halfway into the first month of the year and here I am just now blogging to you again.  I promise I have a good excuse.  First though I hope that everyone had an enjoyable, safe, and wonderful New Year's.  I spent mine with my parents, kitty, and Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve.  Although not how I had envisioned spending it, still enjoyable.  Kissing your parents at midnight though at my age isn't exactly who I want to smooch!  Anyways, on to the excuses, lol.

So what's been going on?  Well a few things.  First I'm back on the bandwagon.  I'm trying to get back into proper eating habits.  Although I had been doing reasonably well since moving back home, I had slipped.  So I'm taking some baby steps to get back on track.  I'm eating breakfast again, which is always good, smaller portions, and more balanced meals.  Although I can't fully control all of this right now, I can control some, and I need to begin doing that again since I have gained 5 pounds since my last weigh in.  Yeah I know, not the best thing since I had been doing so well maintaining.  I'll begin running again soon, but one step at a time.  The holiday's really took their toll on me this year since I've been a little depressed.  This brings me to point number two I want to make.

I'm going to get control of my depression again.  I have felt sorry for myself for far too long.  So I don't have a full time job yet.  So I have a social life that is laughable.  So I may not be where I want to be in life right now.  I know that I am the only one that can change these things.  I can't tell you when it hit me that I was depressed again, I had seen the signs for a while now and knew that it was happening.  But like watching a train coming at you, sometimes you just can't move.  As much as I knew that I needed to do something, I had no idea what to do.  Even being a psychologist I didn't know the right steps to take.  So I had to let it happen.  It did, I'm saying that it's time for it to be over, and I need to move on.  So I'm changing things, I'm forcing myself to look at the positive side of things.  It's not easy, and there are times I don't want to do it, but I know that I need to.  Just like the first time, I know this will not be the last time I struggle with "falling into a funk" but I know that every time I recognize it I see it earlier and I gain new tools to help me next time it happens.

I can't on the other hand change the fact that I still don't have a full time job.  This is not by choice, but rather by circumstance.  This might be the biggest reason that I haven't posted in some time.  I received an e-mail a few weeks ago asking me to interview for a position in Denver, Colorado.  I was ecstatic to say the least!  I had a phone interview the other week and was highly optimistic after speaking with the Human Resources rep.  Unfortunately because I still live out of state I wasn't selected for a second in person interview.  I've been a little down about this.  I had hoped to share here that I would be moving soon, but I can't do that right now.  I didn't know how to respond to this for myself, yet alone anyone else.  The Human Resources rep I interviewed with gave me hope though and informed me to contact him when I do move since he was hopeful that I would be interested in working with the organization if any new openings became available.  It's becoming clear to me that I am not going to get a job in my dream location unless I move there and have an address there.  No one is looking at outside candidates, even if you are stating you don't want relocation fees.  The economy just sucks for that right now.  I refuse to give up though, I know I belong in Colorado!

So now I'm struggling with the idea of do I move to the place that I want to be and live on ramen and fluffer-nutters until I can find any job.  Or do I just give up the goat, and my dream, and pursue more permanent employment where I'm at now.  I can't give up on this dream quite yet, and I think I have to move.  I know this really isn't a new revelation to any of you, but I still struggle with listening to my heart more than my head.  I still was under the impression that I could please both at the same time...I think I have to please just one right now and the other will learn in time.  So I'm giving myself a new goal, move to Colorado before Spring...seriously!

So things are changing.  Although it might not seem like it yet, they are.  Physical, mental, and emotional changes are all on the table for me this year.  Although they're scary, I know that they will make me a better person in the long run.  So here's to an exciting, change filled new year!  I'm more than ready for some positive change in my life!  =)

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