Saturday, January 18, 2014

What's Comfortable

People say that things happen when they least expect them, and when they are just doing what they love and having fun.  This week is my birthday.  I'm turning an age I will never fess up to, and I must admit that my life has gone in a direction that I NEVER thought I would be going at this point in time.  That's not necessarily a bad thing though.

If my life had gone the way that I believed it was going to go in I would still be in Kentucky, or Southern Indiana living a life that was "comfortable".  At some point though I knew that comfortable wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted to branch out, try new things, and step outside of my comfort zone.  Even this week I'll be welcoming my old age by stepping outside of my comfort zone and going to learn how to snowboard. (Mark that one off the bucket list!)  The fact is that sometimes it's scary to step outside of that comfortable state of mind we all get stuck in.  In my experience it's always been worth it though.

I'm an over-thinker, and analyze my life quite often.  This is sometimes a good thing, but this also has it's drawbacks.  For instance, I find myself over-thinking and analyzing whether moving to Colorado was a good choice or not every time I have a struggle such as unemployment or financial stress.  Was moving here a bad idea?  No!  I'm happy, I like who I am, and I've met great people and done some rather amazing things since being here.  But I over-think and analyze when things are rough, and of course I feel like moving here was a bad idea then.  I'd probably be in the same situations though if I hadn't moved here.  It's easy to blame your problems and struggles on having gone outside of that comfort zone though.  It's the easy way out.

Last night I was reminded about how over thinking and analyzing can be a bad thing though.  I was awake into the early morning when many were just waking up for work.  I hadn't been able to sleep, and what little dozing off I was able to do was interrupted by a reoccurring nightmare that began about a year ago.  You see a photo of someone had come up into my social media feed and reminded me of time I had spent with them.  I miss this person, but I removed them from my life for a reason.  Somehow they keep creeping back in though.  Maybe I let my guard down because I'm hopeful that they have changed.  Or maybe they push their way back into my mind because I need to be reminded that things change, no matter how hard we hold on and fight that change.  Whatever the reason I spent my night analyzing their place in my life, and thinking about why I had let them in in the first place.  This morning I found myself with the dark circles under my eyes from a restless night of sleep, an upset stomach, and a lack of ambition and joy to do anything today.  By over-thinking, and analyzing I had allowed that person to do exactly what I had pushed them out of my life for doing.

That person is comfortable to me.  They are my comfort zone, and I have a feeling that's why I let them into my life time and time again.  The fact is, I know I don't like how they make me feel anymore.  I don't like the person I am when I'm with them anymore.  It's scary to think that moving my life away from a person is a good thing, but sometimes you have to do it.  I don't want to be that person with them anymore, so I need to change and not be with them.  Just like I needed to change and move away from Kentucky to be the better me I have become since I moved here.

When I have stepped outside of my comfort zone, I've found new adventures, had fun, and discovered new skills and passions.  I'm not saying every time you step out you're going to find these things, or that you have to do these things every day.  I'm saying you have to step outside of that comfort zone and be a bit uncomfortable sometimes to find those things that you do enjoy doing, and love.  As I turn another year older I hope that I am able to do this more often.  To take more chances, be uncomfortable more, and find more of those things that I enjoy and have fun doing.  I hope that by doing this other aspects of my life will begin to improve and advance, and a snowball effect will begin to take place.  I don't know if that will happen, but I want to at least try.  First things first though, I have to try snowboarding before I can know if I'm any good at it and enjoy it.  ;-)

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