Well it may not be in Colorado, it may not be a lot of hours, and it may not pay me enough, but I finally got a job. One that's even in my field! I'm going to be working with an after school program, and eventually the job will be working with the schools during the day as well. For now though it's just going to be three hours after school till parents pick the kids up, helping with homework, and finding activities for them to do. To be honest although I'm glad I found something, I'm still upset because it's still not enough to live on. I'll still have to live with my parents, and drive the half-hour to forty-five minutes to get to the school I'll be working at. I'll barely make enough to cover my bills, yet alone save anything. The saving grace is that it's not flipping burgers at McD's but something that I know I will enjoy, is with a national organization where there is a hope that I'll be able to move up in the company, and will give me work experience within my field that I haven't had in the past two years.
I still am having a difficult time though. I'm still depressed. On Friday I went to the orthopedist who cleared me and said my hand was healed, (one bone instead of two!) and I was offered this job...but somehow I couldn't be happy about either. I know that I should have been. Finally I was making small steps, but I want to make giant leaps. I have the same feelings about my weight loss too right now. I'm getting back in the habit of doing something physical everyday, but there haven't been any results yet. I want to lose 10 pounds in one week, and even though I know that's not practical, or healthy, I want to have those giant leaps. Not the little baby steps of getting back into a routine.
I'm an impatient person. The funny thing is I don't know many people that would use that word to describe me. I can work with a child for weeks on how to spell their name, and not get impatient with them. I can sit and wait for friends when they are running late and not get impatient with them. The fact is that when it comes to my own life, I want everything right now! I want results! My mother, the minister, keeps reminding me that even though I might be ready, the place where I'm supposed to be might not be yet. God's timing. Well I've said this before, God and I need to have a serious talk then!
The fact is that we all get impatient with some things. We fail with diets and weight loss because we aren't seeing the result that we want to see as quickly as we want to see them, so we quit. The same is true with other aspects of our lives. For me right now it's a job. Just because we aren't making the giant leaps that we wish we were making, doesn't mean we aren't making steps in the right direction. My timing at this job seems to have been a little off even, but they are making it work, and so am I. Somehow I know that this will all work out in the end, and I will look back and wonder why I had been so worried. I'll know then that all I had to do was be patient and not quit because it was little steps rather than giant leaps. Any job right now is a step in the right direction. The same is true for my weight loss. Getting out and getting back into a routine of physical exercise is a step in the right direction, and if I quit because I'm not seeing results fast enough, I'm never going to see any results.
So just like a baby we have to learn to crawl before we can take our first step, we have to walk before we can run, and we have to run before we can finish a marathon. Even a small step is a step. =)