Love

I've gone 29 years without having a Valentine on Valentine's Day.  Now I know that's not really fair, for some of those I was far to young to think about romance, and I have always had my friends and family.  Let's face it though, when it comes down to it we all really only think about romantic relationships on Valentine's Day.  On the romantic relationship front, I've always been a little lacking.  For some reason though it feels like society tells us that there is something wrong with us on this day in particular if we don't have someone to share the day with.  We fear being single this one day a year, like it is the worst thing that could possibility happen to us.  The world goes crazy, we try desperately to find someone to spend our time with, and then we spend our money on, food, flowers, candy, stuffed animals, and so many other things.  Before you go thinking that this is just the bickering of a single girl on a day of love, hear me out.

To me love is a very valued word, and holds a lot of meaning!  Unlike many I don't throw it out there unless I really mean it.  When I talk to my family on the phone I always say "I love you" before I say goodbye.  Even if we've been fighting.  In case anything was to happen to us I want the last words they remember me saying to be I loved them.  I was in a sorority in college, and my sisters always said that they loved each other, and that they loved me.  I was cornered one day by a sister who noticed I never said that back to them, she was upset by this.  I explained that to me love isn't just a word, there is so much more behind it when I say it.  I think that the word is used too easily, and therefore devalued when we do say it.  It wasn't that I didn't care about the girls, it's that when they heard me say it, I wanted them to know that I really meant it.  In the only moderately serious "relationship" (if it can be called that)  I have ever had it took over three months before I said the word love to him.  Yes this was strange for him, and yes it made him uncomfortable, but he knew how much I really meant it when I finally did say it.  I put a deep value in love, and I think that because we use it so often people just hear it as another word, rather than the emotions that are behind it.  This is why I have a bit of an issue with Valentine's Day.

In my own personal opinion the love and devotion that people show to their partners on February 14th is not something that should only happen once or twice a year.  Why are we so afraid to show that type of love, affection, and devotion to someone on a random Wednesday in October?  Why do we have to have a special day to celebrate?  No I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to romance and relationships, and I am far from an expert on the topic.  I do know that when I find the person that makes me happy, they will know that when I say I love them that I truly mean it, it's not empty words.  I'll surprise them with dinner on a random Tuesday, and I would hope they would surprise me in the middle of June with flowers just because we felt like showing our love to the other.  The sentiments behind Valentine's Day are lovely, but I want those sentiments year round, that's one of my biggest issues with this day.  We give people permission to not do these types of things other days because they did this big thing on Valentine's and that makes up for it all year...I don't agree.

My other issue with this day I hinted at earlier, the fear of being single.  As if it's a bad thing.  Yeah I admit it, I really felt bad this year.  Earlier I posted on my Twitter feed and Facebook status that today sucks.  I really hated being alone this year, especially when I see all my friends posting things about how sweet their significant other is for having sent them flowers, or taken them out to dinner, or whatever they happened to do.  So to try and help with this, I took a day away from social media...well a large portion of the day.  This afternoon after I finished apartment hunting I disconnected myself from my computer and watched a few movies, something I plan on continuing this evening.  I'm not ignoring the fact that I'm single, or ignoring my friends who aren't, but decided that my time would be better spent treating myself to a personal romantic day.  I plan on watching more movies tonight, taking a long bubble bath with a glass of wine and a book, and yes I'll admit it here, putting on my "sexy" night clothes (because they make me feel good about myself!) and curling up into a warm bed where I don't have to share the covers with anyone!  I think being single has it's advantages.

So Happy Valentine's Day, to those who are with the one they love, and especially to those that aren't.  Today might not be a day that I feel strongly about, but since society says that we should, treat yourself to a romantic night, do something selfish that you enjoy.  Love is a strong emotion and I believe shouldn't be treated lightly, but until we learn to love ourselves and do the things that we love, we're never going to be truly happy and able to truly reciprocate another persons love.  <3