Climbing A Rope

There are days I wake up and I hate being an adult.  I know it seems a little cliche, but life really was a lot easier when I was a teenager.  You never would have convinced me of that though.  Hindsight really is 20/20.  Today I paid my bills, and I realized although I've loved the fact that I've had time off because the kids at school are on vacation, this also meant that I didn't get paid.  I'm literally broke for the first time in my life, and I hate it.  Although my parents are helping how they can, I hate asking.  I just feel so helpless.

The Clocks Ticking Down

I have this thing, every year at about this time I begin to look back at what I did and think "I need to finish something big I started."  I feel like a bit of a failure if I didn't meet a New Years resolution, accomplish a huge task everyone recognized, or finish that paper so I'd receive my Master's (yeah, yeah, yeah I know!).  So I begin a mad dash and end up pulling my hair out for the last weeks of the year because I don't think I did anything of value, because I didn't finish anything big.  Well like a lot of things I've done this year, I'm going to look at things a little differently right now.

Chocolate Pudding

I found a cartoon recently that had a picture of a man standing in the kitchen stirring a pot, with his wife walking in behind him.  She asks him, "Why are you making pudding at 4 in the morning?"  His response..."Because I've lost control of my life."  Although I'm not making batches of pudding at 4am, I have lost a bit of control over my life.  I thought that when I went on my trip I would be able to figure everything out, I'd know where I was going, and what I was going to do.  That magically everything would fall into place and by the end of the trip I would have a job, and know when I would be moving.  I don't though, I still don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing.

Sing For Me

I don't think I can fully explain how much this song means to me.  It has so many different meanings, and when I saw the music video I not only actually cried, but I watched it multiple times again and again.  Yellowcard has been one of my favorite bands for a long time.  I hope you'll take the time to listen to this song, and really hear what it is saying.  My favorite line..."Follow your heart it's never wrong".  I should really do that more often.  Just a little inspiration tonight.  =)

Even a Small Step is a Step

Well it may not be in Colorado, it may not be a lot of hours, and it may not pay me enough, but I finally got a job.  One that's even in my field!  I'm going to be working with an after school program, and eventually the job will be working with the schools during the day as well.  For now though it's just going to be three hours after school till parents pick the kids up, helping with homework, and finding activities for them to do.  To be honest although I'm glad I found something, I'm still upset because it's still not enough to live on.  I'll still have to live with my parents, and drive the half-hour to forty-five minutes to get to the school I'll be working at.  I'll barely make enough to cover my bills, yet alone save anything.  The saving grace is that it's not flipping burgers at McD's but something that I know I will enjoy, is with a national organization where there is a hope that I'll be able to move up in the company, and will give me work experience within my field that I haven't had in the past two years.

Food's My Security Blanket

I promised to be honest.  I admit it; it’s been months since I’ve run.  Sadly that’s not an exaggeration either, it really has been months.  See I used moving as an excuse to stop running back in July, and then I used settling in at my parents, and then I went on my soul searching trip, and finally more recently it’s been my broken hand.  I know, none of them are good excuses, and that’s exactly what they are, excuses, but the fact is that what I feared would happen when I moved here has…I’m depressed.  It’s a strange cycle.  You’re depressed if you don’t exercise, but pulling yourself out of that depression is a lot harder than you’d think.

Tackling Fear

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”  - Eleanor Roosevelt.  Well I think I did yesterday, I drove for the first time since the accident.  Fear is a funny thing.  For many it’s paralyzing, others are able to cope with it and deal with situations, and for some they gloss over it like it’s no big deal.  I don’t know what category I fit into, but I do know that fear and I don’t get along.  As a matter of fact, I hate fear, but I deal with it often.  This wasn’t my first car accident.  I won’t go into details but I have been in an accident before, this one was by far the worst accident though.  This was the first accident that I’ve been injured in, and I think it messed with my head a little more than the other.  Sure I’ve had bruises, but compared to two broken bones, bruises are a walk in the park.

The Mermaid or the Whale

A friend posted this story on their Facebook page the other day and I loved it, so I thought I'd share.  I might be a Disney freak, and would love to be Ariel, but I think I'll be Monstro (Pinocchio reference).  I'm okay with that.  More updates soon!  =)

NO SURGERY!!!!!!!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't even have a cast, the doctor says I'm healing up great and can begin to use my hand lightly.  That's a big relief!!!!  =)

Not Exactally How I Planned It...

No I did not fall off the face of the earth, and no I didn't pick up and move to Colorado and not tell you (not yet at least!).  I'm still here, back from vacation, and a little worse for wear.  You see my trip didn't end exactly as planned, it didn't end anywhere near how I had hoped that it would.  It ended abruptly in an emergency room with 2 broken bones, a $300 traffic citation, and a lot of bruises.  Allow me to explain why you should always get travel insurance!

The Pros and Cons of Oregon

Since being here in Oregon I have discovered some big pros about the state, and some big cons too that I thought I would share with you. I hope if you are from here you don't take offense to my list, lol. Enjoy! :-)

Toenails Grow Back...Right?

This was written in notepad while waiting for a connecting flight Wednesday. It is being posted now that I have an internet connection again. Enjoy! :-)

I have a new goal...I want to go back to Colorado and hike the Hanging Lake Trail again, I want a second shot at it!  You see Hanging Lake is supposed to be one of the most beautiful waterfalls in the state, but there's a catch to seeing it.  You have to hike a trail that is classified as difficult, 1.2 miles long one way, and  practically a sheer rock face!  No that is not a joke, it really is steep and rocky!  As a matter of fact the trail climbs over 1000 feet!  This was one of those things that I really wanted to do, I had been told by so many people that it was a must see that I made it a point to drive the two hours out of the city to go and see it.  I chose a bad day to go though.  The rain was setting in the mountains and just like in the Ohio Vally, it hangs there.  By the time I arrived it was misting, but I wanted to give it a good shot, so even after looking at the trail and panicking a little, I began up the hill.  I almost quit several times.  I was feeling nauseous, out of breath, my heart was pounding, and the rain was picking up.  I had tripped several times because my jeans were hanging low and were catching on my shoes, I banged the crud out of my big toe (toenails grow back, right?), I had to hike back a ways because I dropped my glasses and didn't notice till I had traveled up the trail a bit, and quite a few groups of hikers passed me going up.   I just couldn't give up though.  I remember passing the 1/4 of a mile marker and thinking, "really that's it?!". Everyone that passed me going back down though kept encouraging me and telling me that it would be worth it.  I didn't make it though, the rain began to pick up about an hour and a half into the trip, and only about 3/4 of a mile up.  I don't have health insurance, and as the path began to get slicker I began to realize I really shouldn't go on, I still had to hike down.  If I thought that hiking up was bad, hiking down was worse!  Wet rocks, and mud made the journey fairly bad, but it was the only way to get down.  So I turned around, I didn't want too, but knew that I needed too.  I was really proud of myself for going as far as I did, but I also felt like a bit of a failure because I didn't get all the way there.

The outward, and the inward appearance

Today I went to the optometrist and got some new glasses and sunglasses, and I went to the salon and got my hair done.  Then I came back to my parents place and balanced my checkbook.  After a rather pricey trip to get my car fixed yesterday, and my updated appearance today, my checkbook is looking a little sad.  You see while in grad school I couldn't find a job.  Priority for graduate assistantships were given to Doctoral students, and the small college town saw me as overqualified for work at retail or food service and hired undergrads rather than me.  So I didn't have a job for two years.  I lived on student loans, massive amounts of student loans!  Although it was enough to survive on, it was just enough, and I never had any savings.  So when I moved back in with my parents I took out money from an IRA that was left to me from by late grandmother.

When Diets Go Too Far

This is the jest of a conversation with my mother this morning.

Me:  When you dream about something it means you're deprived of it, right?
Mom:  Usually, why what are you dreaming about?
Me:  French fries.
(Long Pause, then mom snickered)
Mom:  Most girls dream about boys, you dream about french fries?
Me:  I dream about boys too.  I had a dream about a boy a few nights ago.
Mom:  How did I go wrong raising you?
Me:  I could dream about boys with french fries?

Lol, this might be a sign my body is craving french fries.  =)

Life...Chapter 2

So Monday I left the apartment that I had been living in for the past two years while in grad school.  It was kind of a bittersweet parting.  I know that it was time to move on, and that there are bigger and better things in store for me in the future, but I was still sad.  That apartment was really the first time I had been on my own.  Granted in college I did live on my own, but I always was tied to my parents, I was really on my own this time around, and I enjoyed my independence even if it meant going into massive amounts of debt.  The thing is now I don't know where I am going, and although I'm excited for the adventure that poses, I'm a little scared too.

Moving Stinks!

I don't think that there is a person out there that has gone through a big move that wouldn't agree with me, moving just plain stinks!  Packing everything up, coordinating moving trucks and movers, changing your address, closing accounts, and cleaning take up enough time to be a full time job.  It stinks, it's stressful, and inevitability something goes wrong.  For me what has gone wrong has been my routine, I basically don't have one right now.

What Makes This Time Different

First and foremost, welcome to my new followers who found me through the Trading Pounds profile on me!  I'm very excited to have you follow my journey!  =)

This week has been insane!!  Not just crazy, not just busy, but flat out insane!  Although my summer class is now over, I'm not quite done with school.  I still have some work I need to finish and submit to professors for my classes from the Spring semester that I couldn't finish because of my hard drive crash.  I'm so close, I just want it to be done.  I also am trying to get the final preparations taken care of for my move.  Movers, storage containers, dealing with my apartment complex, planning a trip around the country to look at possible new homes, etc.  My stress levels are at about a 12 out of 10 right now, but I'm all right with that because I know in the end all of this is going to be worth it somehow...I just have to have faith, and that can be hard at times.  So my new workout regime consists of packing and moving boxes around my apartment, and my diet is eating whatever is currently in my fridge and pantry.  Not the best of plans, but I'm still trying and doing the best that I can right now.  This is why I decided that since I'm not the best role model right now a guest post might be a good plan, lol.

Quick Update

This is going to go fast so try and keep up, lol.  First of all I'm in my mad dash to finish school, I'm so close now I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  (Please keep your fingers crossed for me!)  Second I'm also in my mad dash to finish packing to move, yike!  I also am trying to figure out if I just want to move somewhere without a job lined up, or if I should play it safe and move home for a little while till I can find a job.  (Please pray for me!)  Finally my friend Stephanie over at Trading Pounds has posted a profile of my journey so far on her website you might want to go check out.  I personally think it's great, but I'm a little bias, lol.  I also wanted to mention that she will be doing some cooking classes in the Louisville/Southern Indiana area in the beginning of August.  Since I know many of you live in that area I thought I would mention it, I may even be at one!  Stephanie was also nice enough to agree to do a guest blog here, so look for that soon!!  I'll keep ya'all as updated as I can on things in the next few weeks, but it's gonna be hit or miss with everything now coming to a head this month so again...pray for me!  Lol.  =)

Stress...Day 124

Not that it comes as surprise to anyone who knows what's going on in my life right now, but I am highly stressed right now.  I have so much going on in my life it's crazy!  I'm finishing my summer class, packing, trying to find a job/place to live, helping multiple friends through rough patches, trying to work out my financial situation, and trying to find some time for myself in there.  Needless to say I've been a little stressed out!

Happiness

Happiness is a funny word.  Although we all have a definition of what it means, I doubt many of us would have the same definition.  Emotions are funny that way.  We use words to describe them, but we don't really know what they mean.  Maybe this is the psychologist in me coming out, but I believe emotions to be subjective.  What I label as happy, may only be your normal.  While what you label as sad, I may see as being grumpy.  This is why I hate the question, "How are you?"  How do you answer it?  Most of us will just reply with a "fine" and move on to the next topic of conversation.  I much prefer to ask the question, "What's going on in your life?"  Alas, we tend to respond blankly to that question as well though.  My point in all of this is to inform you that for the first time I feel like I am finding MY happiness, and I'm so glad that I am!

Hi My Name is Liza...

I admit it, I have an addiction.  No not to food, we already knew that one, I'm talking about another addiction...my addiction to clothes!  For being a bit of a tomboy I love my shoes, purses, and clothes!  Right now I have begun the packing process, I'll be leaving my current home and moving to who only knows where.  I don't have a job lined up yet, so I don't know what I'm going to do on July 31, but I do know that I have to be out of this apartment.  Although I'm going to hire movers to load and unload everything eventually, I am going to pack a lot of my stuff myself.  Since I'm also OCD about this that means that I want to do it all myself, and organize as I pack.  So I need to get started!

School, New Friends, and a Milestone

Greetings Interweb!  So I know, yesterday was Sunday...and three weeks from my last weigh in.  Oops!  Well here comes the favorite excuse for posting things late on here, I've been busy with school.  (Are you all ready for me to graduate yet? lol)  Wednesday I got back home from my short visit with family, and Friday I began the last class of my graduate school career!  Here's the kicker about the class though, it's only 20 days long, no weekends off, and the professor is trying to fit everything I think she would teach in a 16 week course in this class!  I fully expect to have no hair at the end of this class.  So I'll try to keep up here, but I make no promises when I have those deadlines.  Not to mention I still have work to do to complete my classes that were supposed to end the first week in May!  Ahhhh!!!!  So here is what I'm proposing, a new goal.  To have all schoolwork completed and turned in by August 15.  Mainly this goal is to just keep me in check so that I can be sure to graduate!  The good news is though that I am so close to finishing, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!

Thinking is a Dangerous Hobby...Day 104

After having been at home, and visiting with friends I began to think.  This can be a dangerous hobby for me because I tend to over-analyze things, danger of my profession.  None-the-less I began thinking about my future, which also led to memories from my past.  Now I'd going to try and keep this post as un-random as possible, but with me you never know where I'm going to go.  =)

Best Day in a Long Time

So yesterday was the big day, my first 5K!!!  As stated many times before, it was never about the time it took me to complete it, it was always about just completing the race.  I did that, and a little more!  The great thing is that the race was just the beginning of my Great Day!  After running I got to spend the rest of my day with a high school friend as we went to a Greek festival, and the theater to see Shrek the Musical!  All right I'll start at the beginning.

Dieting Versus dieting

There must be something in the air this time of year.  In the span of four days, three of my friends have said that they are at a point where they are ready to make better choices and lose weight.  This is huge, and I can't say how proud of these friends I am!  The first hurdle is actually wanting that change for yourself.  As I've said before, I've tried this path before, but for the first time it's sticking because I am really ready to embrace this change for the first time.  What I mean when I say this is that this is not a short term Diet where I only eat grapefruit for two weeks and lose massive amounts of weight because of that before I go back to Big Mac's and Ben & Jerry's.  (Okay first time I've even though about Ben & Jerry's since I began, and now I desperately want some Phish Food!!!!)  This is a major life change, you are changing your lifestyle for the rest of your life and that's a big deal!  These friends are going to be doing different things to achieve their weight loss goals, and if they work for them more power to them.  I thought I would share my own thoughts and opinions though and explain why I do what I do.

Preperations

Today I did my last BIG run before my 5K on Saturday.  5 miles, in 1 hour!  Okay first of all I know a lot of people might be thinking, "5 miles isn't that long of a run", and "really she has to pump herself up for a 5K?"  Well I have two answers for you, first while 5 miles may not be that far for you, for me it's currently my furthest limit.  I can't seem to break past it, I get too worn out.  So for me 5 miles is my long run since I normally only do 3.5.  Second, yes I really do have to pump myself up for a 5K.  For those of you who don't know me personally, this is a big deal for me.  I've lost 25 pounds, changed my diet, and outlook on life, and I have to battle myself daily to get anything done.  Since I have to pump myself up for what many people think are the little things in life, I'm of course going to have to pump myself up to do something as big as running a 5K, not to mention my FIRST 5K!  I'm a little scared, a lot anxious, and quite excited, but I have to keep all those emotions in check until after the race, if I let them run around now who knows if I'll get to the finish line!

Better, but Still Not Great

I have three things to tell you about today, I'm gonna be short, sweet, and to the point.  First, I'm running again.  Yesterday and today I got my butt over to the gym and ran on the elliptical.  Yay!!!  So it's not easy, and I still am at a point with it where I just want to stop after ten minutes, but I'm doing it, and I know it will get easier again if I keep going.

Second, I registered for my first 5K!!!!!!  On June 11th in Lexington, Kentucky I will be running my first 3.1 miles in a race!!!  I'm so excited, and scared at the same time!  After my slip I feel like I might not be ready, but I also know that I don't think I'm ever going to feel ready.  I just have to do the first one, and I'll be happy if I can just cross the finish line.  I'm not going to worry about times, or pacing, this first one is going to just be to do it!  Hopefully some friends and family are going to go with me to cheer me on, so I imagine there will be pictures!

Finally I'm sure you've noticed some changes on the blog.  I added many of my favorite quotes to the sidebar.  Sometimes something as simple as a few words can make you feel better when you're feeling down.  So since I was feeling down I put these up here, not only to remind me, but to hopefully encourage you as well.  =)

There Will Be Ups and Downs

I admit it, I don't put everything up about this journey on this blog.  You knew that already though.  I mean we all don't share everything about ourselves with people the first time we meet them.  If we did, those people wouldn't be talking to us for very long!  The truth is that even though I share a lot about what I'm doing with you all, I still keep some things private.  Call it what you will, but I tend to think of it as self preservation.

Healthy Competition...Day 85 (Does anyone care about what day anymore, lol)

Healthy Competition, this is a term I have heard and used many times in my life...I'm now beginning to understand it though.  Most people who know me know that I am not really all that competitive.  I could care less whether or not I win a game (unless it's Disney Scene It, I become downright evil when playing that game, lol), I have more fun just playing the game than winning or losing.  Really the only things I have ever been competitive about have been things most people would consider strange, auditions for theater or musical groups top that list.  Recently though I have been "competing" with friends and family.  Allow me to explain.

Tornado Weather, and the Indy 500

So, anyone who lives in the Midwest knows that occasionally in the Spring we get a few tornado's.  It's a fact of living in the area of the country, just like it's a fact that the east coast will get hurricanes, and the west coast will get earthquakes.  So tornado season has begun in central Indiana, and although I like to think that I am a smart and prepared person, there is just no preparing for Mother Nature sometimes.  Recently she's be kicking our butts!  I don't care what the news said, I strongly believe that a tornado went over my house Monday, and several went around my town last night.  I also had to sleep last night with no power.  So how does any of this tie into me figuring out how to love myself?  Well read on after the jump to find out.  ;-)

Recipes...Day 79

I thought I'd share some of my favorite recipes that I've found.  Although there are many that have become staples in my diet, all of them use a lot of fresh fruits, vegetables, and grains.  As I've now taken myself off of Alli (I only began using it to help me get this whole thing started), I'm finding that the eating habits that I began because of taking the pill have continued.  There are a lot of resources out there for great low-fat, low-calorie meals that taste great, and although you have to wade through a few that are pretty bad, you will begin to find the ones that are great.  I'm giving you some approximations of nutritional information as well.  Remember different brands have different nutritional values so exact nutritional information depends on what brands you use as opposed to what brands I use.  These are just generalizations to start with.  So these are only a few of the recipes I love, but I strongly recommend them!

Sick...Again...Day 73

Well after a great workout on Friday I thought I would reprise my day of 5 on Saturday running 5 miles again...that didn't quite work out.  I woke up early with horrible pain in my ear.  After years of dealing with ear infections my entire life I knew my Saturday had other plans in store for me.  Sure enough, after paying an insane amount of money to see a doctor who told me what I already knew, and getting antibiotics I came home and fell asleep.  Sunday held much of the same thing in store for me, sleep.  Although I'm still not great, today is the first day I've begun to feel better, at least my fever broke!  So unfortunately my eating habits haven't been the best again, and working out hasn't happened since Friday, and I imagine won't get back on course again for a day or two.  I have to wonder though why my body is punishing me like it is, the flu last week and now this.  On top of my normal seasonal allergies which are crazy this time of year.  I'd just love to have a span of two weeks where I feel as good physically as I do mentally, because all the physical stuff is beginning to affect me mentally too.

Photographic Proof

In Honor of small victories recently I thought I would post some pictures that I have been taking on this journey.  Mostly it's food that I've made, but there are a few of me.  So enjoy the photographic proof of my hard work.  =) 

Legs...Day 68

We've all gotten those e-mail surveys where you fill out the questions and send them to your friends, then await their reply to the same questions.  One question that I have seen on many of these surveys is "if you could change one physical thing about yourself what would it be?"  Immediately everyone one of us has a body part, or aspect of their body that pops into mind.  "I'd change my nose", "I'd be thinner", "I'd want brown eyes", etcetera, etcetra.  Although I admit that I've often thought of my weight as the big thing I'd change, I'd also say the same about my legs.  It seems silly I know, but allow me to explain.

Happy Mother's Day...Day 65

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's I know.  My mother is a very special person, she is not only my mother, but my therapist, pastor, editor, and best friend!  We have a very unique relationship, and I am so thankful for that.  We talk almost every day, and some days more than once.  She has really been supporting me on this journey, asking me when I'm home what would be good for me to eat so she can have it around, and making sure that I have time to run.  She is a wonderful and amazing woman!

All right enough with the mushy stuff!  Recently I've been having a hard time, it seems that there is just one thing after another piling up on me, and it's taken a pretty big toll on me not only physically, but emotionally as well.  As I said in my last post, my computer crashed...during finals week...and the hard drive seems to be gone until I can find someone skilled enough to attempt to save anything off it.  Needless to say this caused A LOT of stress this past week.  On top of that I had the stomach flu, which knocked me out basically Monday and Tuesday.  I also still had all the stresses and worries I've had for some time weighing me down, you know where am I going to live when my lease expires, am I going to be able to find a job, how am I going to pay my bills the next few months if they're not going to give me student loans for summer, how am I going to pay for my prescriptions when I don't have health insurance and it costs $150 a month, and all the friend and family drama too!  Needless to say this week has been one I would rather not repeat anytime soon!

Time to Focus...Day 58

Weigh in day!  Well as I said in my last post as long as I didn't gain after being home for Easter and the stresses of having my sister in the hospital I'll be happy.  Surprisingly though, I lost, 2 pounds!!!  Not my biggest loss ever, but considering I wasn't in my routine, and eating out a lot more than I should have been I'm really happy with it!  This makes my total loss to date 15 pounds in two months!!!  I can't express how happy I am, and how proud of myself I am.  I've found things I love to do, I'm living a healthier lifestyle, and making better choices for myself.  I'm never going back to who I used to be!

Staying Healthy at Home

So I am at home again.  It's Easter week and I had planned on being at home anyways, but I had to make the journey a little earlier than expected because my sister got ill.  Monday early morning her boyfriend took her to the hospital because she was having really bad pain in her lower chest/upper abdomen.  After being admitted to the hospital because of how many health conditions she has, they discovered that she had gallstones and her gallbladder needed to be removed.  So yesterday it came out!  Today she was released from the hospital and is now at home resting.

Achieving a Goal!!! Day 44

Two weeks ago I didn't see any change on the scale.  So I challenged myself, and set a goal of losing 7 pounds before today...I lost 8!  I not only reached my goal, I exceeded it!  I really needed this!  With so much happening in my life right now to be able to say I exceeded a goal, and know that I have done this well, is really a good push for me to continue.  Not to mention that this weight loss has moved me from the "morbidly obese" category to just the "obese" category.  Although still not great, much better!

Weight lost between 4/3-4/17 - 8 pounds
Total weight lost since 3/5/11 - 13 pounds

I'm still looking at 5K races and trying to decide which one I want to participate in.  I would love to do one in May, and another one before the summer is over.  My goal is to finish them in 40 minutes or under.  Although I've had really good times recently on the elliptical, it's not like running on ground.  So even though I can do a 5K on the elliptical in 45 minutes, that time will be longer when I run on the ground.  My biggest problem is that I don't have a good place to run outside where I am.  None of the parks have tracks, or paved trails, and there really isn't anywhere around my apartment really either.  Now that the weather is getting a little nicer I'd love to train outside, but I just don't know where to go.  When I go and visit my parents for Easter I think I'll do a lot of running at their place.  Since they live in a subdivision there are plenty of sidewalks that I can be on.

So today I cross one goal off of my list, and add another.  All in all, it's a good day!  =)

Getting Stronger...In More Ways Than One!

Today...5K in 45 minutes!  Okay I know it's not the fastest 3.11 miles in history, but I'm proud of myself.  Last time I did a 5K, March 30, it took me 59 minutes!  I cut 14 minutes off my time!!!!  I can physically feel myself getting stronger, I'm not getting winded walking around a store, I don't ache all the time, and most importantly I enjoy exercising once I get over to the gym or out for a walk.  I'm almost afraid to say it because I don't want to jinx it, but I think I'm changing for the good!  Yay!!!

It's Not a Race

I go to the gym at my apartment complex everyday around noon.  I'm a slow starter in the morning so by noon I've had enough caffeine that I think I won't fall asleep on the machines.  Around the same time a male resident who is a little younger than me comes in and runs on the treadmill.  We exchange pleasantries, claim our machines, which thanks to the layout of the gym are right next to each other, put in our iPod earbuds, and begin our workouts.  I slowly begin my 30 to 50 minutes pushing myself on the elliptical at a 3-5mph rate, while he begins running at what I can best tell is a 7mph rate for around the same amount of time.  With the machines being right next to each other it is kind of hard not to look over and see how far he has gone.  When he finished his workout before me yesterday I couldn't help but look over at his workout summary when he went to get a rag to clean the machine off...8 miles in 45 minutes...a 6 minute mile!  Now most people who know me know that I am not a competitive person, but looking down at my own machine and my 3 miles in 40 minutes I felt defeated.  Granted he is about the size of a twig, and I'm about the size of the trees trunk, and he looks as though he's been running his whole life, and I only began a few weeks ago...but still.  After I finished my own workout I walked back to my apartment and wrote an imaginary letter to him on my Facebook status..."one of us needs to change our schedules.  I think it should be you. K thanks.  =)"

Body, Mind, and Spirit...Day 37

To be honest I'm a little surprised that I have lasted this long.  With the exception of one night of bad eating habits, and one week of bad exercise habits I really have stayed true to this.  This is so amazing to be, because to be honest I didn't have much faith in myself to do this.  I'm beginning to believe that even though it might take some time, my weight loss goals are attainable.  =)

Anyways, after Thursday night's long night, and bad habits I got back on the horse Friday.  I did a 5K on the elliptical and pushed myself.  I had to remind myself that this wasn't punishment for my behavior the night before though, this was getting back in my routine.  The second I start thinking about exercise as a punishment, I shoot myself in the foot.  It will make exercise seem like a negative thing, and it isn't, it's very much a positive thing!  (Psychologist coming out, sorry!)  So getting in the gym was a good thing, not a punishment.  I accomplished the 5K in 55 minutes and burned 618 calories according to the elliptical!  Not a bad days work!  I seem to really enjoy the elliptical, with my sketchy knees there is little impact, so I can go faster longer, and I feel like I am in more control then when I'm on a treadmill.  I mean on a treadmill if I need to slow down a little to catch my breath it's not that easy to slow it down without feeling like I'm going to go falling off the back.  We've all seen the videos of people falling and sliding off the back of them, I don't want to find out how much that hurts.

Honesty...Day 35

I promised to be honest in this blog, as if I was talking to my friends in person.  Today it's hard to be honest, because yesterday I failed.  It started out like any other day, I ate my oatmeal for breakfast, worked out, and stayed on plan for lunch and dinner, and accomplished a lot during the day, but then night fell, and I couldn't sleep.  It was the worst bout of insomnia that I've had in a really long time.

Pictures

So in my family we have never really been that big into pictures.  With the exception of Christmas morning, the camera rarely left the bag.  I became the official "cheeser" of the family.  You know the person who every time they see a camera goes "cheese" and doesn't mind their picture being taken.  Then something changed, around high school I began not wanting to have my picture taken.  Now there were a few exceptions, well posed pictures with friends, professional pictures such as senior portraits, and pictures that when I saw I said they were a "good angle" of me and the individual could keep.  Although I cannot pinpoint an exact moment that I began being self conscious about myself, I think it was sometime in high school when I also began not wanting to have my picture taken.

Quick Post...Day 32

So not going to share a lot today, but I had to share my time on the elliptical today...14:05 min. mile!!!!!!!  If I wasn't motivated after yesterday (which I was, but you know what I'm saying) I am now!!!!  The real shocker seems to be that I have turned into a bit of a runner, I really enjoy pushing myself on the elliptical or treadmill!  Maybe a marathon isn't as unattainable as I had once thought that it was (although it is still a LONG ways away, lol).  =)

What a great start to the week!!! Day 31!

So today is a dark, dreary, rainy day.  Not to mention that it's a Monday, bleck!  Due to all of this, and an insomnia night, I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning.  I allowed myself to sleep in some, which may be a mistake but I really do need at least 6 hours of sleep to function well during the day, and finally crawled out of bed at 10:30.  Once up I made my breakfast, went through my morning routine of checking e-mail, Facebook, and tried to figure out what my plan was for the day.  Around noon I decided I would go over to my apartments fitness center and work out for a half hour.  I had no idea how motivated I would be when I got there.  I climbed on one of the elliptical machines and began my half-hour work out with no real goal in mind other than just going for a half-hour...then it happened.  I had just been running with the tempo of my music, slowing when I needed to catch my breath for a moment, but then going right back to my 4.5-5 mph pace.  I looked down to see how I was doing and saw that I had gone a mile in 14 minutes!  All of a sudden I was motivated, I began to think "holy cow you could go 2 miles in the half hour you are here", and "I can't remember ever going a mile in 14 minutes!"  So I pushed myself, I kept pace, I slowed when I needed too, but then kicked it back up, I was going to do two miles in a half hour!  At 29 minutes exactly I hit two miles!  A personal best!

Well Fudgesicles!

I had hoped that I could give you wonderful news again today that I had lost another five pounds in two weeks, but alas I can't.  I haven't lost any weight these two weeks.  I think I know why, last week.  Although this past week I've exercised 5 days, last week I didn't exercise at all.  That was the week I didn't post.  Although I kept up with the diet, it's not enough for me and I know that.  In the past the only way I have lost weight is with diet and exercise BOTH!  So you live, you learn, and you move on.  Although I wish I had lost weight, I'm really happy I didn't gain any!  I'm not going to beat myself up over this because what's the point?  It will just depress me, and I'll fall back into those bad habits.  Nope, I'm going to eat my apple-cinnamon oatmeal, get dressed, and then go work out on this beautiful day.  In two weeks, I want to have lost 7 pounds, new mini-goal.  =)

What Else is New...Day 29

Holy cow, I've been at this for almost a month now!  First of all beginning a health plan at the end of your last full semester of grad school may not have been my best idea, but I'm sticking with it.  End of the semester stress has set in, only five more weeks of classes and so much I need to get done!  I'm really hoping that I have learned to balance my time a bit by now so that I can work in some exercise time, study time, and me time all in one day!  As a matter of fact I'm multi-tasking now, lunch and blogging.  =)

Ok so there is going to be a lot in this post, I've got pictures, stories, and requests to make so I'm going to go a head and put the page break in early on...

Hello Calf Muscles

Ow!  Ok so between the walking, and the half hour on the elliptical today my calf muscles are screaming.  I don't seem to mind though, it's like my body telling me that this hurts, but my mind is saying deal with it and get used to it!  The elliptical proved to me though how out of shape I am though, I was wiped after only a half hour!  I used to be at the gym for an hour to an hour and a half!  Well guess I'll just be working back up to that

Kitchen Karaoke Burns Calories, and inproves your mood! Day - 24

First I want to let you know about something I did while I traveled back home to see my family.  A friend of mine I have known since High School, Natasha, is a photographer.  She asked me if I would do a session with her so that she could use it in her portfolio.  Although I'm not a huge fan of getting my picture taken, I wanted to help a friend out and I thought it might be a nice way of chronicling this journey since I had just begun.  So I went to her studio and had a few shots taken.  She hasn't shared all of them with me yet, but she did share one of the two of us.  This was an informal picture taken more for us than for use in a portfolio.  I love it!

Natasha Epperson and I at her studio

Sluggish...Part 2 A Guessing Game

Okay so after I posted earlier this morning I began to think about what was going to motivate me.  I looked online for what other people have used for motivation and found this website...Ben Does Life.  His transformation is amazing, and what I'm looking to do.  Now yes he is a man, and men and women lose weight differently, and yadda yadda blah blah.  I know.  His story made me begin to think about my bucket list though.  (Yes I have a list of things I want to do before I die.)  Although I've crossed things off through the years in the past two years I've only crossed one thing off.  I want to cross off more.  So Ben's story encouraged me to work on 3 of the things on my list.  Can you guess which 3? (Red items I've accomplished already.  Oh and if you can help me accomplish another I'd gladly accept help!)  I add things to the list all the time, so maybe I'll post this list and try to cross off a bunch as I am on this journey.  I'll let you know which 3 Ben inspired me on soon!  =)

Sluggish

I admit it, I'm slowing down.  It's almost been a month since I began this journey, and although I have been really happy with the results so far, I'm beginning to slow down.  I know this is not a sprint but a marathon and after you give it all you got out of the gate, you have to set a pace for yourself so you can make it to the finish.  Maybe I'm just trying to find my pace.

I'm doing really well with my diet.  I have added so many fresh foods, and grains to my diet that I really enjoy.  I'm also learning to create my own meals that are balanced and low in calories and fat.  With the exception of missing chocolate (darn you Easter Bunny and your temptations!), and occasionally missing the mark on how much a portion really is I am maintaining.  With the exception of one day where I miss calculated due to being confused on a portion size, I have remained under 2,000 calories a day.  I've also been staying at or under my 60 grams of fat a day.  So my diet seems to have really improved over the past 3 weeks.  I've also been really happy that I've felt satisfied, I don't feel like I am starving myself, and I know that I am receiving more vitamins and nutrients from my food than I used to.

Two Weeks - Five Pounds!

All right so I said this wasn't going to be about weight, but rather how I feel.  Well I've been feeling really good, more energetic, more laid back, and motivated.  This morning I weighed my self though for the first time.  After two weeks I have lost 5 pounds!  (4.8 pounds to be exact but I'm going to give myself the few tenths of a pound.)  Also 2.5 of that weight lost was from this past week!  See I'm participating in a March Madness weight loss challenge over at a friends blog, Finding the Thin Within, and I must admit that I have been weighing myself before today.  I decided though that I am only going to record my weight every two weeks or so since there can be a lot of fluctuations in shorter amounts of time.  I'm still not focusing on the weight, but rather the lifestyle changes and feelings associated.

Home Again, Home Again...To Make a New Goal?!

First allow me to say that I am working with a headache today, so if this post doesn't make sense, or is random in nature that is why.  I've struggled with headaches since I was a child.  Of course they are not just simple nuisances with me, but knock me out for 24 hours, get sick to my stomach, want to crawl under a rock and die type things.  I get several headaches a month, sinus, stress, TMJ, and hormones being the main cause of these.  Every few months though I get a whopper of a headache, a migraine.  If you've never had a migraine I'm sorry but you cannot understand the pain a person has when they get one.  When I was a teen I got migraines a lot more frequently, once or twice a month.  When I began to get dizzy spells with them the hunt began for a solution because my life was being impacted even when I wasn't having a headache.  My migraines are apparently not typical, they present in an unusual way, and cause different pain for me than for most people.  For instance my head doesn't really throb like many people's does.  Instead I tend to have intense pain in one area of my head, ringing in my ears, and INTENSE sensitivity to light.  Due to this different doctors have debated whether or not I am actually having a migraine, or if it is another type of headache.  This is why I don't take prescription medication for the headaches and basically just allow them to run their course.  The doctors can debate all they want, I call them migraines and just want them to go away!  The discovery of TMJ, a misalignment of my jaw and teeth grinding, and it's subsequent treatment has greatly reduced the occurrence of my migraines though so I'll take one every few months rather than every few weeks.

Day 6...Travel

So I am home visiting family, which is really nice, and makes me happy to see my family and friends.  In my family though we all have different ideas about what nutrition means.  Some members feel that it means cutting out all carbs, others think that it means lowering your food intake to one or two meals a day, and I think that it is a combination of diet and exercise.  You see I have been on this weight loss path before.  Several years ago I hired a personal trainer, joined a local gym, and put my life in this trainers hands.  She not only gave me an exercise routine to follow, but she mapped out several meals for me to help me get the most out of what I was doing.  I followed both plans she gave me and I lost around 20 pounds.  I couldn't afford the trainer anymore and had to quit, and even though I had these tools she had given me, and was still a gym member I just couldn't make this plan work anymore.  There is one thing that I learned from all of this though, with my body I need to reduce my caloric and fat intake, as well as increase my activity level.  This is hard to do outside of my comfort zone at home.  Here I have little to do with what foods are available to eat.

The Before Picture

The Before picture taken on March 8, 2011

All right this is the starting point.  I don't think I look horrible, nor do I think that I look my weight since I am almost six feet tall, but trust me I am overweight.  Everybody's gotta start somewhere though, right.  =)

Day 3...I don't like waking up!

Ask my mother about getting me up at 5:45 am everyday so I could have enough time to get ready for school in High School.  Living across town from my school meant that I needed to wake up earlier, and my parents drove me to school every morning for three years (I drove my Senior year).  My mother though made sure I woke up with my alarm every morning, knocking on my bedroom door and encouraging (the nice way of putting it) me out of bed.  By the way, thanks mom for this, I know I was a pain!

Although I have the ability to wake up at those hours, in more recent years that is more likely the hours that I am going to bed!  I've always said that one should never wake up before the sun.  Now 5:45 am is not when I'll be waking up anytime soon, but I do think that I could wake up at 8 am if I tried a little harder.  I'm slowly working on my sleep schedule since I know that in order to have any other form of a routine during the day I need to begin with when I wake up and fall asleep.  So far, I'm still working on that...

Let's get this Started!!! Day 1

Hi!  My name is Liza and I am a 28 year old graduate student living in Indiana.  This blog is hopefully going to chronicle some of my weight loss journey.  First let me tell you a little about myself, and why I am choosing to do this.

First and foremost I am overweight, and not just a little.  If you were to work it out based on my Body Mass Index (BMI), height, and actual weight I would be classified as morbidly obese.  I rarely use those words because frankly they scare me, there is something about the word morbid that just doesn't give you any hope, and depresses you.  Needless to say that doesn't help you feel any better about yourself.  Although I am now morbidly obese, I have always been overweight/obese.  I don't remember a time when I wasn't the biggest girl in my group of friends.  Several times I remember not being able to participate in things my friends were doing because I was too big.  Don't get me started on amusement parks!  Needless to say there have been several very embarrassing moments in my life because of my weight.  I don't want to say that everything that went wrong in my life is because I am overweight, but I do think that my weight has had a major effect on factors about me such as my self-esteem, and introverted-ness.