Climbing A Rope

There are days I wake up and I hate being an adult.  I know it seems a little cliche, but life really was a lot easier when I was a teenager.  You never would have convinced me of that though.  Hindsight really is 20/20.  Today I paid my bills, and I realized although I've loved the fact that I've had time off because the kids at school are on vacation, this also meant that I didn't get paid.  I'm literally broke for the first time in my life, and I hate it.  Although my parents are helping how they can, I hate asking.  I just feel so helpless.

The Clocks Ticking Down

I have this thing, every year at about this time I begin to look back at what I did and think "I need to finish something big I started."  I feel like a bit of a failure if I didn't meet a New Years resolution, accomplish a huge task everyone recognized, or finish that paper so I'd receive my Master's (yeah, yeah, yeah I know!).  So I begin a mad dash and end up pulling my hair out for the last weeks of the year because I don't think I did anything of value, because I didn't finish anything big.  Well like a lot of things I've done this year, I'm going to look at things a little differently right now.

Chocolate Pudding

I found a cartoon recently that had a picture of a man standing in the kitchen stirring a pot, with his wife walking in behind him.  She asks him, "Why are you making pudding at 4 in the morning?"  His response..."Because I've lost control of my life."  Although I'm not making batches of pudding at 4am, I have lost a bit of control over my life.  I thought that when I went on my trip I would be able to figure everything out, I'd know where I was going, and what I was going to do.  That magically everything would fall into place and by the end of the trip I would have a job, and know when I would be moving.  I don't though, I still don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing.

Sing For Me

I don't think I can fully explain how much this song means to me.  It has so many different meanings, and when I saw the music video I not only actually cried, but I watched it multiple times again and again.  Yellowcard has been one of my favorite bands for a long time.  I hope you'll take the time to listen to this song, and really hear what it is saying.  My favorite line..."Follow your heart it's never wrong".  I should really do that more often.  Just a little inspiration tonight.  =)

Even a Small Step is a Step

Well it may not be in Colorado, it may not be a lot of hours, and it may not pay me enough, but I finally got a job.  One that's even in my field!  I'm going to be working with an after school program, and eventually the job will be working with the schools during the day as well.  For now though it's just going to be three hours after school till parents pick the kids up, helping with homework, and finding activities for them to do.  To be honest although I'm glad I found something, I'm still upset because it's still not enough to live on.  I'll still have to live with my parents, and drive the half-hour to forty-five minutes to get to the school I'll be working at.  I'll barely make enough to cover my bills, yet alone save anything.  The saving grace is that it's not flipping burgers at McD's but something that I know I will enjoy, is with a national organization where there is a hope that I'll be able to move up in the company, and will give me work experience within my field that I haven't had in the past two years.

Food's My Security Blanket

I promised to be honest.  I admit it; it’s been months since I’ve run.  Sadly that’s not an exaggeration either, it really has been months.  See I used moving as an excuse to stop running back in July, and then I used settling in at my parents, and then I went on my soul searching trip, and finally more recently it’s been my broken hand.  I know, none of them are good excuses, and that’s exactly what they are, excuses, but the fact is that what I feared would happen when I moved here has…I’m depressed.  It’s a strange cycle.  You’re depressed if you don’t exercise, but pulling yourself out of that depression is a lot harder than you’d think.

Tackling Fear

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”  - Eleanor Roosevelt.  Well I think I did yesterday, I drove for the first time since the accident.  Fear is a funny thing.  For many it’s paralyzing, others are able to cope with it and deal with situations, and for some they gloss over it like it’s no big deal.  I don’t know what category I fit into, but I do know that fear and I don’t get along.  As a matter of fact, I hate fear, but I deal with it often.  This wasn’t my first car accident.  I won’t go into details but I have been in an accident before, this one was by far the worst accident though.  This was the first accident that I’ve been injured in, and I think it messed with my head a little more than the other.  Sure I’ve had bruises, but compared to two broken bones, bruises are a walk in the park.