Victories

Throughout this journey there have been small victories, but on January 22nd I believe I had a very big victory.  Monday the 20th of January, was my birthday.  As I've gotten older my birthday's have become just another day, and I believe this is true for many people.  You begin to not celebrate the small victory that is making it to a year older.  We often view this day, not as a victory, but as just another day to push through, only with cake.  This year I almost did the same thing, pushed through the day like it was no big deal, but instead I chose to make something big happen.

As many of you have seen I have my bucket list posted on this site.  There's nothing special about my bucket list compared to other people's, it changes, morphs, and adapts just like I do.  In the beginning of this blog though I tried to be sure several things got marked off every year.  In the past few years that's kind of gone by the wayside.  When I moved to Colorado, and was able to mark that off I kind of stalled with my goals and dreams.  For some reason just being was enough for a while.  I think we all need to do that sometimes when things get overwhelming, but we also need to pull ourselves out of that and get back to doing things that make us a bit uncomfortable sometimes.  So since I didn't do much last year for my big landmark birthday...I decided I needed to do something this year.

In March I will have lived in Colorado for two years, and one of the most common questions people ask you when you tell them you moved here is, "Do you ski/snowboard?"  I laugh because winter sports like skiing and snowboarding are such a big thing here, and sports of any kind have never been a big thing in my own life, with the exception of a soccer stint in Middle School.  I've always wanted to learn how to ski though, even before I moved here.  So after talking to some people about where to go to get lessons (I was not just going to strap some wood to my feet and hope for the best, I wanted to really learn how to not kill myself, lol), and learning about the differences in learning to ski and snowboard I signed up for a lesson at Winter Park Resort with my friend Leigh Ann who was also a novice to learn the basics of snowboarding.

Let me just say first of all that they sure as hell make it look easier than it really is on television!!! I felt like a toddler learning how to walk all day. And yes I even had to learn how to walk in snowboard boots which was a challenge!  After almost six hours of help, I found myself not only standing and going down a hill on a snowboard, but I found myself loving every second of it, even if I still wasn't able to let of of the instructor without falling.  Something that once seemed like an impossibility was not only happening, but was turning out rather well.  I didn't break any bones, and although I fell quite a few times (the chairlift is the bane of my existence!!!!) I found myself laughing each time as I laid in the snow.  I may never end up being an Olympic Snowboarder, and I may not even be able to do more than just keep my balance going down a hill, but I actually did it...and plan to do it again in the near future. (At least once more this season!!)

My very first attempt to move with both feet strapped in!

Getting off the chairlift may be the most difficult part about snowboarding!

Trying to go down the big hill for the first time!

Just taking a break because my legs were Jello!

I think every snowboarding trip should end with s'mores!!

My new goal is to be able to snowboard for at least 5 feet solo, without having to have the instructor hold on to me.  I have a feeling if I go back to the Ski + Ride School in Winter Park that will happen no problem.  (Seriously if you want to learn, go there they're amazing!!)  Many people would say that I didn't actually accomplish what I had marked on my bucket list, I didn't fully learn how to snowboard in one 6 hour day...but I disagree that it shouldn't be marked off.  Not only did I accomplish getting up on a snowboard and learning about heel side, and toe side and how to do them. But I think that by getting out there and trying it was a huge accomplishment.  We have to remember that we aren't going to be experts at everything, but that doesn't mean that by trying we didn't accomplish it.

I decided to put my thirty-something year old self out there and try something new.  Something many people will never try in their lives due to fear, or use their age as an excuse.  Not only was it a victory for doing it in the first place, but it was a victory for doing something many people wouldn't have.  This year I remembered that age is only a number, and only holds us back from the things we allow it to.

Thanks Leigh Ann for going with me, and for the pictures of me snowboarding (and the closing photo and quote which is perfect!). Thanks Winter Park Resort's Ski + Ride School for the awesome day and great instruction (I'll be back as soon as I have the money again!). And thanks mom for not freaking out too much at the thought of me going down a mountain with nothing but a piece of wood strapped to my feet. ;-)

What's Comfortable

People say that things happen when they least expect them, and when they are just doing what they love and having fun.  This week is my birthday.  I'm turning an age I will never fess up to, and I must admit that my life has gone in a direction that I NEVER thought I would be going at this point in time.  That's not necessarily a bad thing though.

If my life had gone the way that I believed it was going to go in I would still be in Kentucky, or Southern Indiana living a life that was "comfortable".  At some point though I knew that comfortable wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted to branch out, try new things, and step outside of my comfort zone.  Even this week I'll be welcoming my old age by stepping outside of my comfort zone and going to learn how to snowboard. (Mark that one off the bucket list!)  The fact is that sometimes it's scary to step outside of that comfortable state of mind we all get stuck in.  In my experience it's always been worth it though.

I'm an over-thinker, and analyze my life quite often.  This is sometimes a good thing, but this also has it's drawbacks.  For instance, I find myself over-thinking and analyzing whether moving to Colorado was a good choice or not every time I have a struggle such as unemployment or financial stress.  Was moving here a bad idea?  No!  I'm happy, I like who I am, and I've met great people and done some rather amazing things since being here.  But I over-think and analyze when things are rough, and of course I feel like moving here was a bad idea then.  I'd probably be in the same situations though if I hadn't moved here.  It's easy to blame your problems and struggles on having gone outside of that comfort zone though.  It's the easy way out.

Last night I was reminded about how over thinking and analyzing can be a bad thing though.  I was awake into the early morning when many were just waking up for work.  I hadn't been able to sleep, and what little dozing off I was able to do was interrupted by a reoccurring nightmare that began about a year ago.  You see a photo of someone had come up into my social media feed and reminded me of time I had spent with them.  I miss this person, but I removed them from my life for a reason.  Somehow they keep creeping back in though.  Maybe I let my guard down because I'm hopeful that they have changed.  Or maybe they push their way back into my mind because I need to be reminded that things change, no matter how hard we hold on and fight that change.  Whatever the reason I spent my night analyzing their place in my life, and thinking about why I had let them in in the first place.  This morning I found myself with the dark circles under my eyes from a restless night of sleep, an upset stomach, and a lack of ambition and joy to do anything today.  By over-thinking, and analyzing I had allowed that person to do exactly what I had pushed them out of my life for doing.

That person is comfortable to me.  They are my comfort zone, and I have a feeling that's why I let them into my life time and time again.  The fact is, I know I don't like how they make me feel anymore.  I don't like the person I am when I'm with them anymore.  It's scary to think that moving my life away from a person is a good thing, but sometimes you have to do it.  I don't want to be that person with them anymore, so I need to change and not be with them.  Just like I needed to change and move away from Kentucky to be the better me I have become since I moved here.

When I have stepped outside of my comfort zone, I've found new adventures, had fun, and discovered new skills and passions.  I'm not saying every time you step out you're going to find these things, or that you have to do these things every day.  I'm saying you have to step outside of that comfort zone and be a bit uncomfortable sometimes to find those things that you do enjoy doing, and love.  As I turn another year older I hope that I am able to do this more often.  To take more chances, be uncomfortable more, and find more of those things that I enjoy and have fun doing.  I hope that by doing this other aspects of my life will begin to improve and advance, and a snowball effect will begin to take place.  I don't know if that will happen, but I want to at least try.  First things first though, I have to try snowboarding before I can know if I'm any good at it and enjoy it.  ;-)

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know over the years I have asked for many things such as, a Pony, Teddy Ruxpin, violin lessons, a television, even just plain old cash.  Over the years you have gotten me some items I put on my list, and some were just dreams of a young girl with no understanding of what the holiday's are truly about.  I know it's been years since I've written you a letter, or provided you with a list, but even a woman in her thirties sometimes needs to hold on to a holiday wish.

I have a special request this year, and it's not something that will be easily wrapped up with a bow, and placed in your sleigh.  It's a wish I've discovered many people have this time of year, but only this year I truly feel like I really understand why they are wishing for it.  You see, I don't want things this year under my tree, I want my family.  Although I know this is an impossible request because of work schedules, airline prices, and various other reasons it's still my only request this year.

Last year I spent the holiday's alone as well, and although difficult, what got me though was the belief that I would be able to be with them this year.  This year I found myself in another situation of being unable to be there again, and this time the pain is more raw, and almost unbearable.  I can't travel this year because I am again having to work, to make not even enough money to survive on.  My family can't come spend the holiday's with me, because with a mother who is a minister she is working Christmas Eve, and no one can afford the insanely high airline prices this time of year.

Sure my family has visited me for a week here and there, and I have been able to go and visit them for a short time as well.  The thing is that as a man who travels the world in one night I'm sure you understand Kentucky and Colorado are not close together.  I can't take a weekend to go back home, the flights alone would take up most of my time away.  And although technology helps span that distance, virtual hugs can't compare to the real thing.

I know I am not the first person who can't be with their family for the holiday's, and I know I will not be the last.  Military personnel, emergency workers, medical professionals, and various other professions have to work too.  And maybe I can't be with my family this year because I'm supposed to have a better understanding of what these individuals go through every year.  I don't know the reasons, but what I do know is that everyone deserves a little time with their family this time of year, and when you don't have that choice the holiday's are far from enjoyable.

My family under my tree I know you can't really provide Santa.  I mean elves can't make them in your workshop.  But maybe you could help me find my hope and faith this Christmas, because I've begun to lose those over the past two years.  Maybe you could help me find my belief again that I won't have to spend every holiday alone.  Because to be honest, crying every time I see a commercial on TV about a family reunited for the holiday's really puts a damper on your night.

I know New Year's isn't really your department, but it sure would be nice to have a job next year that would allow me to live comfortably and lets me have some time off to be able to see my family more than one time a year, and on the holiday's.  Maybe you could help with that.

I still believe in holiday miracles, and I still believe in the holiday spirit.  I mean it was 14 years ago today my mom was diagnosed with a life threatening blood disorder that turned that Christmas upside down too.  She's still here though, by some miracle she beat it, and she's seen and done thing none of us were sure she'd ever be able to that year.  So I know nothing is impossible as long as I keep fighting.

So Santa, as you get ready to pack your sleigh, and venture out on your one night worldwide trip, please don't forget to drop a little hope down the chimneys of those of us without our families to share the holiday with.  Some of us need it more than you know this year.

Liza

Mental Walls

Several months ago a high school friend posted on her Facebook page that she was watching an Ironman happening in our hometown online and cheering the competitors on.  I commented that it was people like her that were going to push me to finish a triathlon one day.

It's true, one day I would like to complete a triathlon. My family thinks I'm insane for wanting to do such a thing, but like completing a marathon, for me it's about pushing myself to the limit of what I think I am capable of doing, and then pushing just a bit more.  This idea of pushing myself is what got me running in the first place.  This idea is what got me changing my diet, and the way I live my life now.  If I never pushed just a bit further, I would never know that I was able to do the things I now know I am capable of.  I have no idea if I will ever be able to complete a triathlon, but I do know that I want to try someday.

That same high school friend sent me a message after she read my post.  She too hopes to complete a triathlon and she invited me to attempt one with her in 2015.  Now I know this seems like a really long time away to plan for, but you can't just wake up one day and decide you're going to compete in an Ironman.  There is a lot of training you need to do before you can even think about it.  I thought for a bit and then responded to her that although I would like to, honestly I'm really not sure physically I'd ever be able to complete one.  We had a lengthy discussion about the fact that I still don't see myself as a runner, and I don't think I will ever see myself as an athlete.  In the course of the conversation she said something that has remained with me.  She said, "A runner is someone who runs no matter what distance or pace... and that's it."  I put a lot thought into titles sometimes, and sometimes titles don't mean squat.

For me there's always a mental hurtle I have to get over before I can do something.  When I ran my first 5K, there was a turn midway and your ran the same distance back the way you had come.  I reached that midway point and seriously considered stopping.  The run was cross country, I was performing less than how I had wanted to, and frankly I was tired.  At the midway point though I saw my mom cheering me on.  Now she had always been my biggest supporter at choir concerts, and violin recitals.  She always had, and still does, support my crazy ideas and the choices I make.  But seeing her face as I pushed myself to jog to the turn around, hearing her cheer me on, pushed me to finish and not give up.  There was no physical reason I couldn't finish that race, I had just mentally hit my wall at the time that was telling me that I couldn't go any further.  My mom reminded me that I was there to break that wall down.

Mentally the thought of an Ironman scares me.  Mentally I will never see myself as a runner, or an athlete.  I know that physically though, nothing is stopping me from trying.  I've spent almost three months thinking about it, and the thought still scares the crap out of me, but sometimes fear is what we need to push ourselves that much further out of our comfort zones...

I want to compete in an Ironman in 2015. :-)

To Write Love on MY Arms

Last year I wrote this blog entry.  I spoke about my own struggles with depression and suicide.  This past week was again National Suicide Prevention Week, September 8-14.  This year my outlook on this week was very different than it was last year.  This year I still though about my own struggles, but instead I chose to look at helping others with theirs.

There's an organization that I have been following since the 2000's called To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA).  This organization focuses on mental health education, not just depression and suicide, and the hope is that by educating people the mental health stigma can be removed.  Something I very strongly feel we need to do.  They also help people find help, invest in treatment and recovery programs, and inspire and encourage people to share their own stories in order to help others.  TWLOHA has a unique beginning, and story.  If you are interested in learning more about them I encourage you to visit the TWLOHA website and read about it.

This year for National Suicide Prevention Week, and World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10) I decided to take action.  Do more than just share my own story, but talk to people.  Although I woke up on the 10th with a headache because of the impending rains here in Colorado messing with my sinuses this was important to me, and nothing was going to stop me from participating.  My aunt had purchased a World Suicide Prevention Day pack for me, a t-shirt, bracelet, and various posters and postcards to pass out and share about depression and suicide.  I put on my shirt and bracelet and took the postcards and posters with me to a local coffee shop.  Caffeine is supposed to help headaches anyways. ;-)

I ordered my coffee, asked if I could hang a poster and some postcards on the local happenings board, and sat down with my kindle to read for a while.  The barista asked me what my shirt meant, "You Cannot Be Replaced".  I explained World Suicide Prevention Day, and that suicide is the third leading cause of death among people 15-24.  I told her that because I have struggled myself, I want to help other people who are struggling and let them know that it's okay to talk about how they are feeling, and there's nothing wrong with asking for help.  I gave her one of the postcards I had held back from putting on the bulletin board that talked about TWLOHA, and World Suicide Prevention Day and she went back to work.  Although no one else asked me about my shirt, or took a postcard off the board while I was there, I wasn't silent.  I spoke to one person and who knows if that did anything, but maybe she took the information and told her friends, or maybe that information was just want she needed to hear to break her own silence.  Who knows, but I talk about wanting to break the stigma of mental health a lot, and it's time for me to walk my own talk.

It's amazing the difference a year can make for someone. Last year I was reflecting on my past, not that it was a bad thing, but my focus was on what could have been.  This year my focus changed, I chose to look at how my experiences can help break down walls and inform and help others.  I think ultimately that is the goal of many organizations such as TWLOHA, how can we look at ourselves and use those experiences to help others.  I encourage you to look at yourself, even those scary parts we all have, and see how they can help others in any way.  I guarantee you, you are not the first to have struggled with and dealt with those things, and you won't be the last.

YOU cannot be replaced!!!! I cannot be replaced!!!!  We are all important, and we all have a purpose, even if we are having a difficult time seeing it or dealing with it.  If you need to talk to someone, please don't be afraid to do so.  I'd be glad to help if I can.  And you can always find help at TWLOHA, chat live online to someone at IMAlive, or call 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433).

YOUR STORY IS IMPORTANT!

A Month Later

I can't tell you how many times I began writing a post about how my juicing journey was going, only to be distracted by something that prevented me from finishing it. I guess that's life though, but the month of juicing is complete and here's how it went.

• Energy levels increased
• I slept better
• I ran a total of 25.72 miles total, at an average pace of 16.5 min./mile
• Monthly grocery cost decreased by $45!
• I lost a total of 10 pounds!!!!

Would I do it again? I don't know if I would do something as severe as I did this past month again where I'm replacing several meals with juice, but juicing will become a part of my daily life.  I did have a few problems along the way. I had planned on doing juice for breakfast, lunch, and snacks, and eating one solid meal of primarily vegetables. I discovered I was getting things like leg cramps while running, and at night whether I had worked out that day or not, my feet were swelling. I attributed this to either the lack of meat proteins, or the fact that I hadn't stopped eating them gradually and my body was going through withdraws.  I decided to add lean proteins such as poultry into my one solid meal, and the issues seemed to correct. Having not thought about it at the time though, I could have tried adding protein powder to my juices to see if that would have solved it, and may do so if I ever do this again.

Some good things to note that I discovered along the way. Consumption of many beets can turn your urine red, which is freaky at first, lol.  Juicing seemed to ease my period symptoms, as well as shorten my cycle.  Urine production increases A LOT!!! There were a few times I had to run to the 7-Eleven on my runs because I wasn't going to get home fast enough!  I have no idea if there's a coloration, but I did have an eczema rash on my leg before I began juicing I was having trouble clearing up that did disappear during the time I was juicing so it is possible it helped.  But also remember that you are isolating yourself if you chose to do this. There were a few times I was with friends throughout the month that I had to test my will power not to have the food that they were enjoying!  Also the juice doesn't replace water, you still have to hydrate with your 8-10 glasses of water a day. This can be really hard when you are already drinking everything.

As I said, this isn't something I think I will be doing again to this degree, at least for a while. I'm curious to see how long the weight stays off, or as I begin to eat solid meals again if it will gain back.  I do know for certain that I felt better while juicing, and I also know I did increase my fruit and vegetable intake last month. Because of these reasons I will be trying to have at least one juice a day from now on.

Questions Answered

August 1st I began a juice cleanse, and at the same time I began getting a million and one questions from people about it.  Everything from, "Is it safe?", to "Suggestions?"  Please know that I'm not an expert, I'm just a person that is giving something a try, but I'm going to try and answer some of the questions that I've gotten since beginning, and update you on my progress.

The Serious Questions:
"Is it safe?"
Well the simple answer is yes, the more complex answer is maybe.  Juicing is a safe route for me, I have no major health conditions. People with health conditions such as diabetes though juicing may not be a safe option for.  Juicing basically allows the nutrients from fruits and vegetables to be absorbed into your body at a faster rate, without your body needing to go through all the work of breaking down the produce first.  For some this rapid absorption actually may be a bad thing, diabetics for instance, since sugars are placed into the bloodstream much faster.  This is why I let you know at the end of my last post that after speaking with a medical professional they thought juicing was safe for me.  EVERYONE should speak with their doctor about any changes they plan to make to their diet or lifestyle before beginning them, yes even healthy people!!!! They are the experts on knowing what is best for you and your health, so talk to them if you plan on trying a juice cleanse.

"Aren't you hungry?"
Kinda, but not really.  This is actually a really difficult question to answer although it may not seem to be.  Yes, I am in essence just drinking my breakfast and lunch, but this isn't like drinking just water all day I'm drinking fruits and vegetables.  My stomach feels full, but my brain still has a hard time believing that the juice is enough to satisfy hunger.  So I do have a constant battle with my stomach and brain about hunger, but physically I'm not hungry.  I admit that the first few days were rough. I was hungry that first day, I also didn't prepare in any way for doing this like I should have.  Ideally you should prepare for a juice cleanse by cutting out fatty foods in the week before you begin, and controlling your portions better.  Learn from my mistake, and honestly it shouldn't be too bad.

"Why juice, why not just eat all the fruits and vegetables in the first place?"
Have you ever sat down and eaten a whole cucumber, two apples, half a lemon, 4 celery stalks, 8 kale leaves, and a tablespoon of ginger in one sitting?  Well I had all that for breakfast!  Juicing allows me to up my fruit and vegetable intake and absorb the health benefits of all those foods in a fast, convenient way.  So why not just drink juice I can buy in the store?  Well those juices have been so processed, and had so many additives added to them that most of the good we get from the fruits and vegetables are gone by the time I drink it.  Think of it this way. When I began cooking for myself one of the benefits was that I knew exactly what was going into my food, same here with my juice.  I am able to control what goes into my juice.  Juicing also hopefully will condition my body to crave more of those fruits and vegetables that I know I never get enough of so that when I do stop my cleanse I'll be craving more of those things than brownies.

"Why not just do smoothies?"
True, why not? I chose to just juice though because smoothies usually have other things added to them to help thicken them up and be more "meaty".  Dairy such as yogurt,milk, or ice cream are often what is used.  I wanted the benefits of the juice though, dairy takes longer for the body to break down, and also adds more calories and fat.  There's nothing wrong with smoothies, but for what I was looking for straight juice seemed more logical.

Juicing Specific Questions:
"What kind of juicer do you use?"
First of all I do use a juicer, not a blender.  You can use either but since I knew I was going to be making a lot of juice, I decided to invest in a specific kitchen gadget for the task.  I use a Hamilton Beach Big Mouth Juicer which I like for right now, but there are many different kinds of juicers out there.  Rather than go into detail about them I'm just going to say this Juicer Buying Guide is a good starting point if you are looking at getting one yourself.

"What does a juicer do?"
A juicer basically separates the pulp part of food, from the liquid part.  When I make a juice recipe I get around 20 oz of juice, and about 1.5 cups of pulp.  This of course varies based on the water content of the produce you're juicing.  Citrus produces more juice than greens do for instance.  Yes there is some "waste" with using a juicer, but think about the fact that, that is what your body has to break down in order to get all those rich vitamins and nutrients that you just made into your juice.  You're giving your body a jump start on digestion.

"How do you prepare your fruits and vegetables to be juiced?"
First of all let me say that this is a point where the quality of your produce matters!!!!  Remember you are eating this stuff raw so you want it to be of high quality.  I use organic fruits and vegetables for a few reasons.  One, I've begun to only buy organic produce so it's what I have.  But two, think about what organic means, it means that no chemicals were used in the growing process.  When I eat an apple I want to just eat an apple, not a pesticide filled apple.  Can't you just wash it off?  True you can wash off the residual residue, but what's seeped into the food can't be washed away.  As far as preparing it for my juicer, well that depends on what type of juicer you have.  Different juicers require a different preparation.  For mine I don't have to do much, which I like.  Basically I just cut things to fit, peel citrus since the "zest" can be a bit bitter, and sometimes peel particularly thick skins of certain foods such as sweet potatoes.

"What fruits and vegetables can be juiced, and what can't?"
Check out this A-Z Produce Prep guide. Just about anything can be juiced, the question is more do you want to juice it?

Other Questions:
"Aren't you tired all the time now?"
Nope, quite the opposite actually.  Day one was rough, and I admit I slept a big part of that day.  As time has gone on though I've noticed my energy level has increased. I've begun running again just because I felt like I needed to burn off some of the excess energy!  I'm waking up easier too.  Many of you know that I have struggled with insomnia my whole life.  Mornings are not my favorite time of day because of this.  Waking up usually means hitting the snooze button a few times, or even turning the alarm off and rolling over to go back to sleep.  This morning on the other hand I woke up feeling well rested, and ready to go before the alarm even went off the first time.  This was even after having a difficult time falling asleep last night.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
I couldn't decide if this question should go in the Serious Question section, or here.  The fact is that I want to be healthy, period!  I know I'm not, but I also know that I'm never going to be if I don't make changes in my lifestyle.  I know that this seems like a drastic move to a lot of people, and I know a lot of people are worried because they don't feel like this is healthy.  Let me say this though, there are millions of people who live in this world, and lead healthy lives who are vegetarians, vegans, and even raw.  That's in essence what I'm doing, consuming only foods those individuals would eat for two meals a day...I just liquify them.  I would never do something for myself that I felt was unhealthy and then turn around and tell you all that I thought it was great. I'm honest here, so I'm telling you honestly how I feel as I'm doing it.  If something bad happens I'll tell you that as well, but for now it's been good.

"Have you seen any results?"
Other than increased energy, I weighed myself this morning and discovered I've lost 3 pounds!  I also noticed that my grocery bill is lower believe it or not.  Since I'm not buying a lot of other stuff, and basically just buying produce I don't have a lot of impulse buys keeping my bill lower.

"What's your favorite juice recipe/combination?"
 I discovered a Peach Pie Juice recipe the other day that I LOVE!!!! Just remember that it's two servings, not one.  Today though I made a Watermelon (2 Cups), Carrot (2 Carrots), and Peach (1 Peach) juice that was really good and refreshing after my run.  That's what I'm loving about this, trying out all kinds of combinations and discovering if I like them or not.

I hope that this answers some questions that people had about this. Please know that I do want to know what people think, and I am curious about anymore questions people may have so please don't stop asking.  I'll continue to keep everyone updated! =)